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I'm sharing this journal entry from one of our sheep / shepherds for your encouragement and invite you to share your stories to keep us connected David
Thursday April 2, 2020: A journal entry:
JESUS WEPT.
A Morning mist of low cloud wrapped soft around the hills.
I read John 6 and tried to ponder on Jesus the living bread. But the mist beckoned and drew me outside, quickly enfolding me in its clammy embrace.
There was no pausing to choose direction. I headed straight up the hill blanketed in the foggy stillness, only birdcall echoing the inner certainty – she’s coming to pray.
Pray up the hill. I haven’t prayed up there for a while. I’ve prayed. But not there on God’s hill, my place of retreat.
At the summit, as cloud drifted and lifted, it was my heart that rained out its anguished plea, the cry for help with COVID19: LORD HEAR OUR PRAYER. Help us Jesus.
That was it. No wordy waffle. I perched on the rim of the damp bench, poised in grief and need; heart, mind and spirit turned to God, “Yet still do I praise you Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Living God.”
A lull then settled over me, like a mute button had been pressed to hush the turmoil of my distressed thoughts and wretched emotions concerning the plight of the world’s people. Wait. Be quiet!
Jesus wept. The words from last Sunday’s reading came to mind loud and clear.
33 When Jesus saw her crying, and the Judaeans who had come with her crying, he was deeply stirred in his spirit, and very troubled. 34 ‘Where have you laid him?’ he asked. ‘Master,’ they said, ‘come and see.’ 35 Jesus burst into tears. (John 11:33-35 NTE)
I too burst into tears, and as I wept, there at the top of the hill, I knew he was weeping with me. Weeping with all the world. Weeping for us all.
Turn to me. And I, turning, vision all awash, could see clearly, he was there. Feed my sheep. To this I shook my head, and thought, I’m no pastor. You are a minister of my word. Therefore, speak my word to others. Speak my word to one another. And suddenly understanding dawned. “You aren’t just saying this to me, are you? It’s your call to all of us: Feed your sheep. The responsibility is ours collectively.” And I pictured the scattered sheep, isolated from one another but belonging together and needing creative new ways of being church and speaking grace and hope to one another and others.
I plunged, then, down the hill, not following the worn paths but winding down the steeper slope, weaving through knee high weeds, around rocky mounds and patches of slippery flattened grass, to emerge at the wider base track.
Now is the time to forge new paths. Jesus is still the Way, the “base track” of my faith remains the same. It’s the network of familiar paths that represent how we have lived out our faith, that have fallen away, not God’s word or his kingdom, or his love.
I am thankful for this love that comes to us where we are: scattered sheep weeping in the mist of uncertainty. I’m thankful that Jesus wept and that his way isn’t set in stone. That he comes and calls us to discover a new and living way, today and tomorrow and the next day. Hallelujah! This is a new day! And the Jesus who weeps with us in our distress will renew us and lead us on beyond COVID19.
JESUS WEPT.
The autumn sun filtered a pale ray through the drifting grey. A reminder that the God who weeps, also sheds light as well as tears.
The grace of Jesus
by Pauline Simonsen
Click here to download your printable verse to carry with you today.
… they knew it was the Lord (John 21:12b).
Read John 21:1–13
The disciples are lost; they don’t know what to do. Their master was crucified, dead and buried, but now he is miraculously alive again. How can this be? And what are they supposed to do now? Confused and disoriented, they return to the one thing they know: fishing. But today, they’re not even successful at that.
And then: the man on the shore in the early morning light, the call to try once more and the catch of fish – so big they can’t get it on board and must tow it to shore.
Suddenly, the disciples’ heads are full of echoes and memories of another morning three years before, of a man on the shore and another enormous catch. John turns to Peter: ‘It is the Lord!’ And Peter can’t help himself; he leaps out of the boat into the water to go to Jesus. Like he did that night on the lake in the storm – ‘call me to you!’ he’d cried. And Jesus said, ‘Come.’ Peter, desperate to be with his Lord.
But there has been much water under the bridge in those three years. There has been ‘Get behind me, Satan’ (Mark 8:32,33)! There has been Peter’s overconfident declaration (Mark 14:29–31) and then his falling asleep in Gethsemane (Mark 14:37,38). There was his foolish attempt to defend against Jesus’ arrest (John 18:10,11). And, worst of all, there was Peter’s denial of his Lord three times (Mark 14:66–72). The Peter who jumps out of the boat to go to Jesus is heartsick, ashamed and humbled.
But see how Jesus receives him. With a welcoming fire and bread and fish ready to eat. No rebuke or condemnation. Instead, he tells Peter to bring some fish they just caught. Surely, as Peter goes to help the others bring the haul ashore, he is remembering when Jesus called him three years before: ‘Don’t be afraid; from now on you will be catching people’ (Luke 5:10).
Perhaps the Lord still has a purpose for him?
As Jesus takes the bread and gives it to them, echoing another sacramental meal, Peter realises that above all else his master is grace. Jesus redeems failing humans like Peter, like us.
‘The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning’ (Lamentations 3:22,23b).
Bless you, loving Lord, for your endless grace for us failing humans. Thank you that every day I begin again in your merciful love. Walk with me today, and use me for your kingdom purposes. I go out now in your peace. Amen.
Pauline lives in sight of the ranges in the beautiful Manawatu region of New Zealand with her husband Roger and their two cats. There, she leads Emmaus Bible College and offers spiritual direction and supervision to people from a wide range of backgrounds and denominations.
God with us
by Pauline Simonsen
Click here to download your printable verse to carry with you today.
It is I; don’t be afraid (John 6:20b).
Read John 6:14–24
Earlier this week, we meditated on Matthew’s narrative of Jesus walking on the water. John’s account contains some differences. After miraculously feeding the crowds, Jesus leaves them. He goes up into the hills alone to prevent the crowd from trying to force him to be their king. John’s account also doesn’t mention Peter’s experience of walking on the water and Jesus saving him.
John’s interest lies in Jesus’ supernatural authority over the natural realm and people’s different responses to it. The morning after the feeding miracle, when the crowd works out that Jesus didn’t go in the boat with the disciples, they pursue him to Capernaum, asking how Jesus got to the other side. They are fascinated with Jesus and his miraculous powers, a fascination Jesus isn’t interested in feeding, then or now (John 6:26,27).
What about the disciples? What do they learn about their master as they battle against heavy winds and waves in their small boat on the lake that night? They see the figure on the water walking out of the darkness towards them, and they are terrified. Then they hear the voice of their master calling out, ‘It is I; don’t be afraid!’
Perhaps Jesus’ declaration is preparing the disciples for his ‘I AM’ statements, the first of which John records in the next few verses: ‘I am the bread of life’ (John 6:35). At the very least, the disciples must be recalling Old Testament Scriptures that speak of Yahweh as the one who controls the seas.
‘The waters saw you, O God … and writhed; the very depths were convulsed … Your path led through the sea, your way through the mighty waters, though your footprints were not seen’ (Psalm 77:16,19). ‘You rule over the surging sea; when its waves mount up, you still them’ (Psalm 89:9).
The disciples witness Jesus, their master, doing what only God can do. Whether they fully perceive it yet, the ‘I AM’ of the burning bush is among them! Immanuel, God is with us!
The God who led Israel through the waters of the Red Sea is the same God who walked over the Sea of Galilee to the disciples’ boat. And this is the same God who speaks to you and me in our storms, ‘It is I, don’t be afraid!’ Jesus Christ is the same, yesterday, today and forever.
In the troubles of my life today, Lord Jesus, grant me to see you with clarity and trust as the God of my salvation. Let your word quell my fears, and your presence bring me peace, today and always. Amen.
Pauline lives in sight of the ranges in the beautiful Manawatu region of New Zealand with her husband Roger and their two cats. There, she leads Emmaus Bible College and offers spiritual direction and supervision to people from a wide range of backgrounds and denominations.
Grace, not death
by Pauline Simonsen
Click here to download your printable verse to carry with you today.
Salvation comes from the Lord (Jonah 2:9b).
Read Jonah 2:1–10
Like the Old Testament people, I have a wary respect for the sea – for its relentless waves, vast expanses and profound depths. I’ve swum in the sea, travelled in boats over it, gazed at it from the beach – but the sea remains a powerful, untameable vastness that would swallow me in an instant.
So when Jonah says to his fellow sailors battling a fierce storm, ‘throw me overboard’, I feel the terror. So do the others. They try everything: chucking cargo overboard, praying to their gods, rowing – but nothing helps. Finally, asking Jonah’s God for mercy, they throw Jonah into raging waves. The sea grows calm, and the sailors are stricken with greater fear of this Hebrew God who is more powerful than the sea. They worship Yahweh.
What did Jonah experience as he went over the rails into the violent sea? Fear of mighty waters runs throughout the Old Testament. Jonah feared the Lord more. He knew his rebellion against God’s command to preach to Nineveh caused the storm. He submits to what he believes is his punishment: certain drowning. Jonah lives by the law.
But he doesn’t drown. God sends the great fish to swallow him up. More terror – he will surely die in the belly of this fish!
But he doesn’t die. In the swirling darkness of this strange would-be grave, he remembers Yahweh. He reaches out in faith to the God he spurned and remembers with thanksgiving that ‘salvation comes from the Lord’.
It surely does. Jonah is vomited onto the beach, alive.
However, this narrative (and Jesus took it seriously – see Matthew 12:39–41) reveals the nature of Yahweh. This God who calls Jonah to preach against Nineveh also sends storms, great fish and vines that reveal God’s heart of mercy. God desires to save people – Jonah, the sailors and Nineveh – and goes to extreme lengths to do so.
Jonah is famously displeased with God’s mercy (Jonah 4:1,2) and would rather die than watch God’s compassionate grace on Nineveh. The very same grace that Jonah pleaded for in the belly of the fish!
Thank God, his divine love and mercy are not frugally portioned out, only for those I think deserve it. God’s grace is lavish and undiscriminating – extending to whoever calls out to him and pursuing those who don’t.
Have mercy on my hard-heartedness, Father. Thank you for your endless grace to me, secured in Jesus Christ. Give me the same heart of grace and compassion for all those I meet today. Amen.
Pauline lives in sight of the ranges in the beautiful Manawatu region of New Zealand with her husband Roger and their two cats. There, she leads Emmaus Bible College and offers spiritual direction and supervision to people from a wide range of backgrounds and denominations.